I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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