There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
