Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
