paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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