i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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