We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
