I just cut my nipple shaving
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
