I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
