I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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