Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
