every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
