Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
