Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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