Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
