you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
