Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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