Can i not drive my cunt home
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
