What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My Higher Power is John Stamos
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
