He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
