So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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