what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
