my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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