Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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