if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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