I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
