Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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