he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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