look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
