I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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