This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
hell yes lets make some ravioli
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are all done wearing pants today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
