I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
