Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
