no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We need a shit load of segways right now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
