Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
