you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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