I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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