the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i now understand why vodka
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
