apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
