Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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