apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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