And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
