I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
