My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just cut my nipple shaving
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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