i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
