i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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