his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
