i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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