will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
