It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
