There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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