You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
