How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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