well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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