she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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