Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
