i think my tv is drunk
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
