Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
