I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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