Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
