I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
