I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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