i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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