you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
