I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
