so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
