i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
