I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
