Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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