a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
