4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
