not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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