Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
