I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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