My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
