Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
