Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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