we made out on top of his cat.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
