oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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