So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
