Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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