I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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