This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize