you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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